Getting Old vs Getting Older: The Easy Mindset Shift That Keeps You Young at Heart

“You Can’t Help Getting Older, But You Don’t Have To Get Old” – George Burns

I’m about to turn 56 years old(er). Recently I had my very first LifeLine Screening and ran my very first Beer Mile, in the same day. Why, you ask? Well, I did each of them for the same reason, because I’m getting older.

Notice I said, “Older” not old. There is a vast difference between the two mindsets. I feel like the word ‘old’ is a place much like a train station platform, a ship’s port or an airport terminal. The place you go to wait for a vessel to take you to your final but unknown destination. Well, I’m not ready for that shit yet. I got way too much to do.

When I told people I was going to do these two things, no one asked why I was doing the LifeLine Screening. But EVERYONE asked, “Why the hell would you do that?!”, at the mention of the Beer Mile and they asked with genuine concern. If I were younger, I doubt they would have given it much thought. But I guess to them I’m old? I’M 56 FFS!

Getting Older Doesn’t Mean Getting Old

I much prefer the phrase “getting older”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting older. We’ve been getting older since the day we were born. As children we were eager to get older. We waited impatiently for seniority and age-related landmarks. Looked forward to eating solid food, riding a bike without training wheels, going to school, getting our driver’s license, eating at the ‘adult table’, watching a rated R movie, graduating from school, being of legal age to drink, getting a career, becoming eligible to run for President. But after you’re 35 years old, what’s left? Retirement, grandchildren, collecting Social Security and then celebrating our 100th birthday with Al Roker before going to the train station platform?

Getting older, however, is not a destination it’s a journey. Everything around us changes; faces, names, places (some might call this senility and for some it is) but for others it’s just how life changes and how life changes us. Looking for challenges and recreation and new adventures keeps us young, keeps us moving and keeps us alive.

We spend too much time lamenting about how we can’t do things like we used to do. Perhaps we’re not meant to. Our bodies and minds mature and as they mature, they operate differently. That’s the way it’s been since birth. But there comes a time when we want so badly for our bodies to be like they once were.

But then it actually happens! You find yourself bald, toothless, crawling around the floor because you can’t walk or even stand and you’re pooping your pants and eating pureed food all over again. You’re an infant, just like you wanted? Nobody said the journey couldn’t be cruel.

Instead of looking for excuses to not do the things you would have done when you were younger, look for ways that you can do them with your mature, older mind and body. Because sometimes age really is just a matter of perception and adaption, not ability. I offer you the following, as an example:

The Events

For those who don’t know what a LifeLine Screening entails, the best way I can describe it is: Waldo’s expecting mother went to her OBGYN. The OBGYN is playing “Where’s Waldo” with the ultrasound wand from head to toe all over the mother’s body looking for the elusive baby-Waldo. Pressing so hard they’re picking up images from the linoleum floor under the exam table. Okay, it’s really not that bad – if you like to be smothered in warm lubricating jelly..

..you know what, it really wasn’t bad, I thoroughly enjoyed it. They also take blood and check a bunch of other factors that can lead to a stroke or heart failure. I did quite well so, it was off to the Beer Mile!

You may be asking, “What’s a Beer Mile?” Worry not, I asked the same thing. My son invited me to run it with him, so I did some research on the YouTube. It’s an organized even on a quarter-mile track with a long list of rules. It even has an international championship where people from all over the world compete.

Simply put, you run one mile, drinking one 12 oz beer every quarter mile until you finish, quit or puke. If you puke, your punishment is to run an extra quarter-mile lap. When the start gun is fired, you chug your first beer, run one lap, grab another beer and chug it before you begin your second lap and so on.

Runners say, “A one-mile run is no problem.”

Drinkers say, “Drinking four beers is no problem.”

Beer Milers say, “Why the f#@k did I sign up to do this!!”

Okay, I understand now why everyone was concerned for me. I’m not a runner and the last time I chugged a beer was in college from a red Solo cup. The science is not good either. The average adult stomach can hold 34 to 50 oz of fluid. You’re guzzling 48 oz of carbonated alcoholic beverage. You’re doing this in less than 10 minutes, in most cases, less than 6 minutes, and running as fast as you can.

Before the race my son, Ryan, showed me the roster of runners. I was the oldest person running by 23 years! Everyone else was in their prime running and drinking years. I hadn’t run in three years when I was practicing for a 31-mile relay race my son roped me into. I thank God to this very day that race didn’t happen, (yet). So, looking around at my competition, my only goal was to not find myself at the proverbial ship’s port waiting for my boat to sail me into oblivion.

Admittedly, I was a bit intimidated by the gap in age and experience of the other runners. I was also a bit nervous by Cindy’s parting words to me, “Why are you doing this, you’re going to explode!” I was breaking out in a cold sweat realizing exploding just might be the outcome.

The Results

Out of 11 runners that finished I came in, well, not last. I’ll take Eighth Place out of 11 any day. Not because I’m old but because I’m older. Because, despite what others said, I did it anyway. I will continue to challenge myself until I find myself at the airport terminal waiting for my final-destination-flight because it’s more fun to get older than it is to get old.

* Regardless of your age, if you try the Beer Mile, you will regret the last lap. Running a quarter mile with a belly full of beer sloshing and bubbling around with absolutely no room or forgiveness is one of the most unpleasant things I no longer have to imagine.